Wide Awake

Javier left the room and I was all by myself. I found myself waking up from a long dream. What was going on here?

I turned on Katy Perry’s Wide Awake as I stared at pictures of my childhood, a childhood that turned out to be a lie. My whole life was a lie. I cannot believe that this was happening to me.

Tears rolled down my face as I tried to remember any moment that I was Nadia Rosemary Coffey. So far, there appeared to be none. I wondered what was going on here? Was I supposed to be Nadia, or was I meant to be Marisol? To me, this didn’t make any sense. I had to know what was going on.

~chapter 17 of Life, Sin, & Blood


I was just in pure shock; I found out that far from being Nadia Coffey, I was someone else. A fake. A fraud. I had lived my life as some kid who was adopted and that kid never knew that they were adopted.

Until now, that was.

Where was my life going at this point?

I then remembered the traditional story of the mother who tries to keep her child as a child, innocent and blind to the evils of the world outside the home. LaDonna refused to even allow myself and my brother to develop our own identities and personalities; instead, we were to be popular, tough, strong, and not take crap from anyone.

In short, I was nothing more than a bully. (nerds, geeks, and everyone who likes Twilight can attain to that.)

But when LaDonna died and I moved to Charleston, it quickly became a wake-up call to me that no one really likes the so-called “popular” students, and all “popular” students are bullies. I discovered that a large group of “popular” students were killed in a school shooting eight years earlier, and I knew that that was my fate if I didn’t “shape up“.

I guess I needed that push from my familiar world after all.

Anyway, I needed to go outside and clear my head; there was much more to do than to brood over my past mistakes. I have to figure out what I’m going to do next. I’m not even sure if I want to go home and see my friends at this point.

In fact, I don’t even think I want to think about the past anymore.