Dear Imaginary Friends

Cover of "I Want My Life Back"
Cover of I Want My Life Back

I never thought that we’d get to this point in time, but here we are. I have something that I need to say to you, and you are going to listen to me whether you like it or not.

Thank you very much for ruining my life.

No, I mean it. You ruined the life that should have been mine. I could have gone to college and gotten a degree, or I could get a job. But no, you decided that I don’t need to go to college or get a job. You wanted me to stay a little kid.

News flash, I’m done being a little kid.

The reason for this letter is to thank you for taking over my life. Not only have you ruined my life, you destroyed the lives of my family and friends as well. None of them can be in the same room as me anymore, and it’s all your fault.

I want my life back.

So, in writing you this thank you letter, I am telling you exactly what I really think about you. I’m tired of you always hanging around me, taking over my thoughts and time, and driving other people who might help me away. Why are you torturing me?

Here’s what is going to happen: you are going to read this letter, then you are going to realize that I don’t need you anymore, and then you’re going to leave. I have my own life to live, and I’m going to live my life my way.

I would be thankful for your companionship during my childhood, but then I would decend into madness.

So, thanks for stealing the last 10 years of my life.

Now, go away and never come back. Don’t let the door hit you on the way out.

Jacquel Chrissy May

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