The Literary Showdown (parody of the Ultimate Showdown by Lemon Demon)

Harry Potter was hoppin’ around, / the library like a big playground, / When suddenly Artemis Fowl burst from the shade, / And hit Harry with a grenade, / Harry got pissed and began to attack, / But didn’t expect to be blocked by Klaus Baudelaire, / Who proceeded to open up a can of Book Fu, / When Lyra Belacqua came from out of the blue, / And she started beating up Klaus the Bookworm, / Then they both got flattened by the Ginny-mobile, / But before she could make it back to the chamber of secrets, / Anastasia popped out of her grave, / And took a .22 out from under her cloak, / And blew Ginny away with a bang-bang-bang, / But she ran out of bullets and she ran away, / Because Charlie Bone came to save the day!

This is the literary showdown…of literary destiny / heroes and villains and battles…as far as I can read / There can be only one winner, we don’t know who it will be / This is the literary showdown…of literary destiny

Harry Potter beat the crap out of Charlie Bone, / Like the Jedis beat up the Sith, / Then Klaus came back covered in a tire track, / But Bella Swan jumped out and landed on his back, / And Ginny was injured and trying to get steady, / When Anastasia came back with a machete, / But suddenly something caught her leg and she tripped, / Eragon took her out with his sword, Then he saw Harry sneaking up from behind, / And he reached for his bow which he just couldn’t find, / Because Ginny stole it, and she shot and she missed, / And Bella deflected the arrow with her shield, / Then she jumped in the air and did a somersault, / While Lyra tried to pole vault, / Onto Charlie’s back, but they collided in the air, / Then they both got whacked in the head by Gollum,

This is the literary showdown…of literary destiny / heroes and villains and battles…as far as I can read / There can be only one winner, we don’t know who it will be / This is the literary showdown…

The Greywyn Academy Glee Club sang out, / in a very freaky chorus, / down from the Heavens, / Descended Aragorn, / Who delivered a kick, / Which could shatter bones, / Into the crotch, / Of Eragon Shadeslayer, / Who fell over on the ground, / Writhing in pain, / As Ginny changed back, / Into Lord Voldemort, / But Aragorn saw through, / His clever disguise, / And he crushed Voldemort’s head, / In between his thighs.

Then Clary Fray, / And Meggie Folchart, / And “that one kid from that weird TV show”, / And Bartok Rasputin, / And Jacquel Spartan, / And Prince Zuko, / And Elena Gilbert, / Percy Jackson, / Bart Simpson, / Lestat, / And Robert Langdon, / Jaeyamie Nealson, / Speed Racer, / all the Teen Rebels, / Peter Pan, / And Stewie Griffin, / Kaylen Klieg, / Jacquel Rassenworth, / Bailey Bennett, / And Mr. T

All came out of nowhere lightning fast, / And they kicked Aragorn in his kingly ass, / It was the bloodiest battle that the library ever saw, / With readers looking on in total awe,

The fight raged on for a century, / Many lives were claimed but eventually, / The champion stood, / The rest saw the better, / Tyrion Lannister in a blood-stained sweater!

This is the literary showdown of literary destiny! / Good guys, bad guys and big battles, / As far as the eye can see, / There can be only one winner, / I wonder who it will be. / This is the literary showdown (this is the literary showdown) / This is the literary showdown! (this is the literary showdown) / This is the literary showdown of literary destiny!

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