If I Could Turn Back Time

911 We Will Never Forget  the Victims, their F...
911 We Will Never Forget the Victims, their Families and Heroes of September 11th 2001 (Photo credit: Striking Photography by Bo Insogna)

I wonder what it would be like if my parents had never died on September 11, 2001.

As far as I know, my life has been unbearable for most of it. No one who lost their parents goes to live with cruel relatives. That’s only for fairy tales. But my life was worse than any old fairy tale. My uncle and aunt had mistreated me and my brothers, by forcing us to live in tiny crowded rooms to eating only leftover food. Plus, we weren’t allowed to have any friends and for a good while, we weren’t allowed to leave the house, not even to attend school.

That unreasonable cruelty lasted until I was 14 years old and my new social worker forced me to admit that I was abused and with that admission, I was immediately taken away from my home and forced to go to Los Angeles. My other cousins were weird, but they made me forget about the abuse, believing that if I forget about the abuse, then it’ll be like the abuse never happened.

But that was a lie, since pretending that the bad thing never happened just makes things worse.

So that’s why I’m in a mental hospital outside of Harrison Creek, Oregon. I’m supposed to be getting help for my issues, but in reality, I’m not getting anything. That’s because I want to turn back the hands of time. I want to go back to a time and place when my parents were still alive and my brothers weren’t being unbearable and my uncle and aunt were nonexistent. I want to find a way to go back in time, to the day BEFORE September 11, 2001. I wish that I could go back and warn my parents to not board the plane that would crash into the Twin Towers. I should have been stronger and begged them not to go to New York.

I want to turn back time, but that’s only a fantasy. I can’t change the past.

I realize that, and I weep.