Toy Time 2: Disney’s Descendants

“Now, remind me of why we’re doing this stupid Cosplay,” Humphrey said to Jaclyn as the toys gathered around the bookcase. Jaclyn had seen the Disney movie “Descendants” and she wanted the rest of the toys to make a Cosplay about the characters. And she wasn’t about to take the word “no” for an answer.”

“For your information, Humphrey, this Cosplay is not stupid, and you’re participating in it, whether you like it or not,” said Jaclyn.

“That’s not fair!” Tierra snapped at her. “Just because you’re the leader of the toys doesn’t give you the right to boss us around!”

“For your information, Tierra, I didn’t say you could come back, not when you’re already on probation for stealing my name,” said Jaclyn. “And second, we’re all doing the Cosplay, even Humphrey.”

“And Humphrey’s the biggest toy in the toy box,” said Ryan. “How do you expect him to play a character when he’s bigger than all of us?”

“Oh, I have my ways,” said Jaclyn.

“So, you decide to make Humphrey be a character in Descendants and he’s bigger than us?” Susie snapped as she came to where the other toys were standing. “Abeau to you if you think you’re going to humiliate my best friend and get away with it!”

Jaclyn glared at Susie, but then she said, “Alright, here’s how this thing is going to go: Tyanna will be Mal, Bellabee will be Evie, Olin will be Jay, Spotsy will be Carlos, Ryan will be Ben, and Lena will be Audrey…”

“Now just one minute here,” said Tierra as she glared at Jaclyn. “I believe I’m the brains of this operation…”

“No you’re not, because you’re going to be playing Hermione, daughter of Hercules,” said Jaclyn.

“If I’m so bold as to interrupt, I don’t think we should use the name Hermione for Tierra’s character, especially since most people would associate that name with Harry Potter,” said Humphrey.

“Stay out of this, Humphrey!” Jaclyn snapped.

“And abeau to those who think the name Hermione exists only in Harry Potter,” Susie snapped. “And Jaclyn, you will NOT make me be in your Cosplay.”

“But yes you are,” said Jaclyn. “In fact, you will play…”

“NO! I will NOT be in your play!” Susie snapped. “In fact, you will NEVER make me be in your play! You can’t make me do anything!”

“Yes I can, and I will,” said Jaclyn. “So, what are you going to do about that?”

Well, the rest of the story details a fight between Jaclyn and Susie, but I’m sorry to say that it’s unsuitable for publication.

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So, You Always Wanted to be a Princess…

My whole life, I had always wanted to be a princess. I don’t know when or how, but I always pretended to be a princess, never minding the fact that being a princess is harder than it looks.

So, why was I locked up in a dark room in a stone castle?

I will be honest and admit that I had always wanted to be a princess, but my real life kept getting in the way. I always kept to myself and dodged other people whenever I needed to be in contact with them. I hated having to hide my interest in the “Trees of Light” books while watching my fellow classmates read pointless teen fiction. Don’t they know that reading teen fiction is hazardous for their health?

But the biggest offense was being annoying and rude to the librarian who suggested that I find something else to read. Doesn’t she know that the “Trees of Light” are my whole world? I can’t function unless I read five chapters of the books every night. I can’t think about anything else but pretending to be Princess Madeleine Fallsworth of Eswoth.

Yet I have a secret that no one knows about. If anyone were to find out this secret, it would forever ruin their perception about me. (As you can tell, most people believed that I was stupid, useless, and (in worse cases) “retarded“. No one thought I was worth anything, not even the foster family I lived with.)

Of course, many people were trying to “help” me with my “problems“, which I thought was absurd; I don’t have any problems, they’re the ones who have problems. There’s no way in this life that I will ever be like them.

I then remembered Ryan Barker, the heartless bully who beat up anyone trying to be better than what he thought they should be. No one was safe from him; even the adults and his own parents were afraid of him. He ruled the school with an iron fist.

Whenever he approached me, I made sure to ignore him. I was eight years old and had a mind of my own. No one told me what to do, and I was able to go to the library instead of playing on the playground like the other kids.

But one day, Ryan caught me going into the library and beat me up. I ended up in the hospital in a coma, unable to live or die. When I did recover, I knew that all I had left was my imaginary world, a world I could never escape from as long as I lived.

Now as I looked around the place and saw where I was, I knew that I was physically in my imaginary world, but that world was now real. As in, I was now a princess living in a fancy castle, whether I liked it or not. And to make matters worse, that wasn’t the only problem I had to deal with…

Toy Time  

“You cheated, Susie!” Humphrey snapped as he saw Susie and Tierra gather the squares to their side of the board. The toys were playing “Lord of the Rings” Trivial Pursuit, as it was international gaming day. So far, Susie and Tierra were beating the other teams, which consisted of Ryan and Leroy, Kerry and Bella, and Humphrey. “Why are you doing that??”

“Too bad you don’t have any teammates,” Susie mocked him.

“And you just had to have the genius on your team,” Humphrey yelled. “Why is that?”

“Because Tierra is better than you,” Susie said as the other toys laughed. “Plus, she knows more about the Lord of the Rings than you do.”

“Face it, Humphrey, you’re never going to win,” said Kerry. “You never watched the Lord of the Rings movies, so what makes you think you know more about the story than Tierra does?”

“All I know is that I’ve gotten some answers correct before Tierra could,” said Humphrey. “And I know so much about the move because she and Susie are doing a show on YouTube centering on the Lord of the Rings.”

“I saw the Ralph Bashir edition of Lord of the Rings,” said Ryan. (Case in point: he was obsessed with the animated version of the Lord of the Rings cartoon, which shows you how much he knows the story.)

“Who cares!” said Kerry. “Plus, Ralph Bashir’s version of the Lord of the Rings sucks! How dare you bring that up while we’re dealing with Peter Jackson’s version of the Lord of the Rings?”

“Besides, Peter’s Jackson’s version of Lord of the Rings is better,” said Tierra.

“Much better,” said Leroy.

“Anyway, give it up, Humphrey,” said Susie as she glared at him. “You’re not going to win! You might as well give up now if you know what’s good for you!”

“But that’s no fair!” said Humphrey. “I’m the biggest toy in the room, so why are you guys picking on me?”

“Because you’re more annoying than the Annoying Orange,” said Tierra.

“Hey, that’s insulting, and hurtful!” said Humphrey.

“Need I remind you about the Show Stealers?” said Leroy.

“What about them?” said Bella.

“Never mind,” said Susie. “They invaded our show and interrupted everything. They were rude and nasty until Humphrey caught them and kicked them out. Now are we going to finish the game or not?”

Nuclear Spritualism

We have been on the run for the last three years. I don’t know exactly what happened, but Michael and I have been running around Canada, never settling down, or building friendships with the local people. I know we should stop running, but we can’t. Not when our lives were in danger.

It all began when Michael and I first started dating. We were sitting in a bar when Michael noticed two men at a nearby table sneaking glances at us. We didn’t say much about it, bit when the waitress brought out our drinks, she had given us a message that she had written on a napkin.

“RUN.”

With that, Michael grabbed my hand and we fled from the bar and straight to his car. Within a few minutes, we were on the highway, with the two strange men chasing us in a Volvo. I turned to Michael and said, “What’s going on?”

Michael said, “Well, I was a secret agent who broke up a gay sex ring three years ago. Those two men chasing us were part of the ring, and they’re here to stop us.”

I gasped, wondering why those men were chasing us. Michael didn’t say much, but he knew what he did was very dangerous and could possibly get him killed. To make a long story short, we were on the run, and we couldn’t stop running until the two men chasing us were either dead or in jail.

Hardcore Humility

He should have been lucky I was so tired. If I was fully awake, I would have pushed him off the roof and possibly killed him.

Well, I don’t even know how I got onto the roof, let alone confronted him. But I knew something had to be happening, or I wouldn’t be here.

“What happened?” I snapped as I saw him.

He said, “You wouldn’t believe me if I told you. You remember Paul Colbert?”

“How could I not?” I snapped. “He was always flirting with the boys and being cruel to all the girls. Why? What happened to him?”

“Rumor has it that some guy had enough of him flirting with him and he pushed him off the cliff in Big Sur,” he said.

“You’re kidding, right?” I said.

“Paul is dead, or if not, he’s close to it,” he said. “And they funny thing is that no one’s shedding any tears over him.”

“Maybe he got what he deserved,” I said.

“Maybe,” he said.

“So, why are you here?” I said.

“Paul’s sister is angry with me because I chose to date Dorothy instead of him,” he said. “In fact, she’s been harassing me for a while.”

“I can’t believe her,” I said. “Is she really that messed up in the head? What girl wants her brother to date a boy?”

“Sally,” he said.

I shook my head, knowing that Sally had some explaining to do…

Gay Ignorance

In a time where tolerance of sins and moral depravity was the thing, one man sought to turn his life around.

He knew it wasn’t easy, as people told him that there was nothing wrong with being gay and that it was acceptable to be gay, but those people didn’t understand his pain. They didn’t understand how he was filled with self-loathing and anger. He was angry that he had disappointed his parents by claiming himself as gay.

How ignorant can the public be, he thought to himself as he sat outside the cafe, watching the world go by. How much longer can this last? He knew a huge balloon of objectiveness was growing, the balloon symbolizing the objections to the moral depravity. He knew that many people wanted to see him be punished for his moral sins, but how could he face punishment when he wanted to change his ways?

Diversity Will Get You Everywhere

So, what’s the big deal with diversity?

It’s everywhere, which makes me feel nervous. It’s like everyone’s turning it into a game to see how diverse you can be.

Diversity is not a game.

Diversity is the number of people who are diverse in terms of ethnicity, gender, and something else; I don’t know what it is. But the way people are using diversity nowadays is insulting.

And I don’t like insulting things.

Just the other day, this girl decided to identify as a male wolf. Everyone just rolled their eyes at her, thinking that she was just making up something. I was so angry that I slapped her and told her that she was a human girl, so she’d better act like one.

See? Diversity is not a game. So let’s all quit making up stuff about ourselves and truly embrace what diversity really is, OK?