Shopkins & the Youtube Takeover

“So, what do we have here?” Tartface said to Frank and Sneaky as they met in their meeting spot.

“I know,” said Sneaky. “Those Littlest Pet Shop toys have all the equipment needed to be popular on YouTube.“

“I know,” said Frank. “It’s not fair that those toys are popular and we’re not!”

“I see,” said Tartface. “But not to worry, because I have a plan to take down those Pets.”

“And what’s the big plan for crushing that Snarky Susie and her friends?” said Sneaky.

“Well,” Tartface began.

Well, the rest of the story is unfortunately unfit for publication.

The Escape

15-year-old Karl Kroger looked up from the floor, where he had been laying for the past two hours. He had been locked away in a hospital in Poland for the last 3 years, and he was sure that he was losing his mind.

Because no one bothered to come visit him at all.

Karl frowned, wondering if he was going to die in this room, alone and forgotten. His mother Michaela had killed herself after hearing about his hospitalization, and his sisters Anna and Christine weren’t allowed to look for him. His father Michael was depicted as cool and uncaring after someone openly accused him of getting rid of Karl and attempting to replace him with his much-younger cousin, Leopold Trichenberg.

Just then, the door opened, revealing the face of Hans Fruar. Hans was the leader of the seven wolf packs that lived in Russia, yet his main clan was known as Starfire. Hans had learned about Karl’s imprisonment and he sought to not only save the boy, but to punish the father for forcing the boy away from the rest of his family.

Hans said, “I see you in there, boy.”

“What do you want?” Karl said with a look of fear on his face.

“You’re coming with me, boy,” said Hans as he stepped into the room.

“But I’m not allowed to leave this room,” said Karl. “Father says that I’ve been a bad boy…”

“You fool!” Hans snarled as he slapped Karl across his face. “Your father is the foolish one if he threw you away and murdered your mother and sister. But no more; his lies will destroy him.”

“What are you doing?” said Karl.

“I’m helping you escape, idiot boy,” said Hans. “You’re leaving this god-awful place and coming with me.” To a group of werewolves standing at the door, he said, “You all know what to do.”

The rest of this story deals with what happened after Karl Kroger escaped from the hospital, but that will have to be for another time.

I’m Not “Her”

Please stop referring to me as “her”.

I’m not “her”; I’m “him”.

I’m a boy.

I was born as a boy, so why is everyone treating me as if I’m a girl? This isn’t fair. I have the right to be a boy if I want to.

Why is it that everyone wants me to be a girl? Do they have issues stemming from their own lives or something like that? My grandmother says that she already has three grandsons, and she was beyond angry with dad when he told her that I had been born. She blames mom for not giving birth to a daughter, which was what she wanted me to be.

So I don’t have a relationship with grandma, and it’s all her fault.

Plus, she turned everyone else against me, which is a very sad thing. Grandma won’t accept me unless I become a girl, which is something that I’ll never do. My friends accept me as a boy, so why can’t she?

Why can’t I just live my life as a boy?

No, really. Why can’t I?

What Could Possibly Happen in 40 Minutes?

OK, so what could happen in 40 minutes?

For some, 40 minutes isn’t very long, as 40 minutes is just 20 minutes away from an hour. But as for me, 40 minutes quickly became the longest minutes of my life.

Here’s how that happened…

One day, I was sitting outside my front porch when I heard screams. The screams were coming from a house down the street from mine. I don’t know what was going on, but all I could hear was screams. Before I knew what was happening, the screams got louder and louder until they were no more. I also heard yells and the sound of an objecting hitting something. But I didn’t see anyone getting up to check out what was going on.

All it took was 40 minutes of screams.

And then there was silence.

Not the silence that permeated throughout my neighborhood.

It was the silence that spoke of death.

40 minutes after I heard the screams, I found myself running from my front porch and heading towards the house at the end of the lane. The yard was covered in plants that covered the house and the windows; all the windows were covered from the inside. The people who lived in that house appeared to be unfriendly and secretive. They never came out unless it was important and they never said a kind word to me or anyone else in that respect.

But now I saw the perpetually closed front door had been forced open. I peered inside, hoping to see a glimpse of life inside the dark house.

But I saw nothing but darkness and death.

I ran from the house and called the police, knowing that whatever it was in that house wasn’t fit for human consumption. As I watched the police walking into the house, I noticed that someone had hidden something important on the porch. The thing was a message saying, “They’ll never hurt her now.”

What was that about? Who was this “her” and why would “they” hurt “her”? Who were those people hurting? Was the hurting enough to warrant the deaths of the people living in the house?

Whatever it was, I’m not sure right now.

But all I know was that so much had happened in 40 minutes.

For me, I had witnessed a murder.

Toy Time 5: The Shopkins Arrive

“Uuuuggghhh!!!” Snarky Susie cried as she, Tierra, and Kerrie were going over their plans for the next episode of their hit YouTube talk show “Tea & Tolkien Thursdays“.

“What is it?” said Kerrie while looking up from the latest issue of Fantopedia Magazine. “Did someone demand that we start including some LGBT characters in our Tolkien fanfiction?”

“Worse,” said Snarky Susie as she clicked on a YouTube video. In the video, a small group of toys were apparently mocking the cast of “Tea & Tolkien Thursdays“, from several of them making some very pointed criticisms of the shows to saying some mean things about Humphrey the toy camel. “Just who do those guys think they are?”

“I hate to break it to guys, but these are the Shopkins!” said Tierra.

“Uuuggghhh! Shopkins!” yelled Snarky Susie.

“Yeah, it’s them all right,” Jaclyn said as she came into the room. “Those little toys are always causing trouble for everyone. Now they’re trying to take over YouTube!”

“I know,” said Tierra. “In fact, their motto is once you shop, you can’t stop. And most children and adults can’t get enough of them!”

“What are we going to do about this?” said Kerrie. “We can’t have them going around ruining things for everyone.”

“Not if we can stop them,” Jaclyn said as Mimsie and Andy approached them. “In fact, we should hold a meeting with them and demand that they put an end to their activities.”

“And what if they say no?” said Humphrey. “What then?”

“I already know that they published a video that mocked us for that fandom fight that we had last year,” said Andy.

“I’m still not over that,” said Mimsie.

“And I’m still not over us almost being unable to film that episode, but we can discuss that later,” said Tierra. “Right now, I just want to deal with those pesky Shopkins and their videos that are ruining our reputation.”

“And that’s what we’ll do,” said Jaclyn. “Let’s teach them a lesson about what happens when they try to take over the toybox.”

Well, that was easier said than done.

*-*-*-*-*

The next day, a group of Shopkins toys showed up at the studio. They were led by a small tart. Tartface glared at Jaclyn, saying, “So, I hear that you’re the head honcho around here.”

“I am,” said Jaclyn. “But why are you guys doing this?”

“Doing what?” said a shoe named Sneaky.

“Being a bunch of jerks, that’s what you’re doing,” said Humphrey.

“Don’t be such a loser, you dumb camel,” said a pea named Peasley.

“Susie, did you hear that?” said Humphrey. “Now they’re calling me a dumb loser!”

“Abeau to you, little Shopkin,” Snarky Susie snapped as she glared at Peasley. “Nobody calls my friend a loser except for ME!!”

“Yeah,” said Snarky Susie’s sister Bella. “Only I can call Humphrey a loser.”

“Uh, you’re not allowed to, Bella,” said Snarky Susie. “Jaclyn’s orders.”

“Jaclyn is such a control freak!” Bella snapped.

“I heard that!” Jaclyn yelled. “And I am NOT a control freak.”

At that, a carton named Milkton, a toilet named Tollitson, a hotdog named Frank, a muffin named Muffy, a bottle of olive named Olive, and a roll of sushi named Kimi walked into the studio, with Frank saying, “I hear that you’re the Littlest Pet Shop toys who are trying to take over YouTube, aren’t you?”

“Oh, you’re one to talk, little hotdog,” said Tierra. “Plus, it wasn’t nice to make fun of me just because I’m a Fisher-Price toy.”

“Yeah,” said Tollitson. “Don’t be such a potty mouth!”

“Let’s start with you,” said Kerrie.

Tollitson snarled in anger, but Jaclyn said, “Be careful, guys. I’m about to film this video and if there’s any more fighting, I’m going to have to put everyone on a 1-month probation.”

“You can’t do that,” Andy yelled as the others gasped in horror. “Snarky Susie and her friends have that Tea & Tolkien Show and we’re already trying to get the Leroy & Elena Show off the ground. So there’s no need for us to start any trouble with the Shopkins.”

“But you heard what they said about us,” said Bella. “They think that we’re bad actors.”

“I see,” said Jaclyn. “And I say that it’s time for us to put a stop to those guys before they ruin yet another thing on YouTube for us.”

“And why do you guys think you’re so great?” said Tartface. “Look at you guys; you have your LSPTube and scores of fans. What about us?”

“Yeah,” said Frank. “Why can’t we have Shopkinstube?”

“When can we be just as popular as Littlest Pet Shop toys?” said Tollitson.

Well, the rest of this story was about how the Shopkins and the Littlest Pet Shop toys got into a fight, but it’s unsuitable for publication.